The art of letting go

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Sometimes you really want to move on, but it just doesn't work. You feel the longing for movement, change, something new.

You know this isn't working anymore, but you're stuck in the same place. Not because you don't want to. Not because you're not strong enough. But because there's something you can't leave behind yet.

And meanwhile, you stand still. Or you swim in circles, like a goldfish in a bowl too small, mouthing your own shit.

Blup. Blup.

“I'm stuck”

You might already know where you want to go. A calmer life? A partner who's there for you? Finally doing work that suits you? Or simply: less struggle, less demands, less inner turmoil.

But between you and that longing lies so much. Things you can't simply shake off. Perhaps you carry with you the voice of your father who told you not to whine. That ruthless interim manager. The loss of someone you loved, but who's no longer there. Or that one belief that kept you afloat for years, but now only grates. Things you don't know how to move forward with. You're stuck. And then everyone tells you to let go. But what does letting go mean?

What holds you back is also part of you

Letting go might sound like a big step, after which you can move on without looking back. But it isn't. You can't leave something deeply ingrained in you behind. And the pain, the sadness, the fear are part of you.

Letting go is precisely about acknowledging what is. That period in your life you're trying to distance yourself from? It shaped you. And so does that loss, that complicated love, the work you lost your joy in, or the pain you caused someone.

Letting go is not saying goodbye

Maybe you've stopped pleasing others, but you still don't know who you are. Maybe you've decided to let go of something or someone, but it feels empty and cold, instead of liberating.

That's not strange. That's how it works. Letting go hurts. Not because you're doing anything wrong, but because you're saying goodbye to something that was part of you.

And then it turns out: letting go doesn't mean leaving behind. It means taking along. But in a different way.

Take with love

It's allowed to be inside you. Not like a backpack that digs into your shoulders. But somewhere on your stomach, close by. Like something that belongs to you, but no longer pulls you.

Only then will there be space. For a future in which you are still yourself, but freer, lighter, and with more choice.

And you?

Perhaps you're at such a crossroads too. You know where you want to go. You long for change, for air, for movement. But you can't seem to get there.

Then take an honest look at what you've encountered along the way. Not to brush it away, but to see it. What remains if you allow yourself to let go with love?

It doesn't have to be alone.

In my practice, for example, I work with the REEL principle to guide people in the process of letting go.

We begin by Recognizing what you are holding on to, Embracing why it is so important to you, Expressing it by taking visual steps, and then exploring how you can Let it go by carrying it with you in a different way.

Not by breaking with who you were, but by making room for who you can be now.

About the author

I'm Willem Kwakernaak, a relationship therapist and coach at Praktijk InArnhem , in the Arnhem-Nijmegen region. I support people with relationship problems, personal development, stress, and recovery from traumatic events. In my practice, I utilize ACT, IBCT, and systemic work, including constellations. I also offer support with absenteeism prevention and school reintegration.

Want to know more or schedule an appointment? Feel free to contact us.